Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Point Of Existence
The elephant had visited my room again today. And as always, in my absence. How do I know that he did? Well, though everything seemed to be normal on the surface, there was an undercurrent of restlessness in the room. Also, my nose could smell it. I have two noses inside my nose of which only I am aware. My noses are always able to detect the place from where he enters my room. This time, he chose the keyhole. Last time he used the bathroom ventilation to squeeze into my room. He has amazing flexibility and he always manages to squeeze his way into my room, no matter how small the entrance is. Now that I knew he was here I started looking for the chimera. He would always leave a chimera behind for me each time he paid me a visit. I call it chimera for want of a better word. It is not real but nor is it unreal. it is 'irrreal'. It lies in the shadowy realm between reality and illusion. Just hanging in there!
I started looking for it in my room. Below the pillow, under the bed, on the table, behind the curtains. No nowhere was it to be seen. Just then I saw a boat sailing in the ocean on top of my mosquito net. There was a brown cat sitting on it looking at the vacuum around. I climbed on my bed and got into the boat and off it went out of my room into the middle of a vast ocean. The brown cat was not looking in my direction. I thought that it probably did not notice me getting into the boat. I mewed softly to catch its attention. In reply it just gave me a contemptuous look and continued staring at the dark blue ocean. I wondered why the elephant had placed such an angry cat in the boat with me. I could have been left alone than be with an insolent cat who thought of me as a little ant whom it could kill with one touch of the paw. The elephant and his motives could never be understood by me. Having being ignored by the cat, I started looking in the same direction to see if there was something interesting going on there. Dark blue sea was all that I could see. I strained my eyes hard; nothing but the same dark blue sea all around me. I kept looking at it for some time but then got terribly bored. I wondered how the cat could look at it for so long. I tried to look around the boat to see if there was something else that the elephant might have kept for my entertainment. Nothing!
After a while I tried speaking to the cat once more. I mewed again. This time a little more confidently. Who knows the arrogant cat might like the new confident me. It didn't look at me at all. I thought that was a positive sign as no look is better than a contemptuous look. I mewed even louder this time. The cat turned around slowly. My heart beats increased. Finally, the cat will come to me. Probably it will come sit on my lap and let me tickle it. Who knows it might even decide to play with me. So the cat finally looked at me and lifted its front leg. Ah! A handshake! What a well trained cat, I thought to myself. Just as I was about to reach out to it, it showed me its middle claw! I was so shocked that had I not caught hold of the mast on time, I could have fallen out of the boat. I didn't know how to react. I was so scared of the damn cat! I just sat there in the corner, giving the choicest of abuses to the haughty cat, obviously in my mind. I knew cats were not particularly friendly creatures but this one went out of its way to show its evilness. I was not geting bored anymore as I was busy thinking of innovative ways to throw the cat out of the boat.
I must have spent a good amount of time in this when I suddenly heard a baritone voice asking me to shut up. I almost jumped out of my little corner. I looked above if it was from the heavens. Nothing in the sky looked abnormal, no dazzling lights, nothing. I looked around when I saw the cat staring at me. Was it the cat? Cat who talked in a baritone voice! "Yes, it's me," the cat said. Words came to the tip of my tongue and then fell flat from there unable to take any shape. "Can you not stop this chatter! Your meaningless blabber is on ever since you climbed on to this boat. I have been trying hard to concentrate but just could not do that. Can you not appreciate the serene ocean? I knew about you from before therefore I had asked the elephant not to put you in my boat but he refused to listen to me. And here I am wasting a beautiful evening with a dimwit like you who cannot appreciate the ocean in the dark." I did not know how to respond to that. The cat could read my mind! I tried not to think anything but the human mind behaves in strange fashion. When it knows that its contents are accessible to someone, it starts thinking all prohibitted thoughts which it would never otherwise think. I was trying to control them. But when I would control one, another one would slip past the censor. Just then the cat shouted, " I cannot take this anymore! I have to leave this boat. To hell with you and the elephant!" I wondered where it would go in the middle of the ocean. Just then it started disappearing! Cheshire cat! The only difference was instead of the broad grin, I could only see frowning brows at the end. I gave a sigh of relief and thought good that the stuck up, idiotic, good-for-nothing cat has gone. "Mind your language, miss" said the cat from out of nowhere. Those were the last words I heard from the cat.
The boat kept moving deeper into the ocean. I stood there holding the mast thinking nothing. After indeterminate time had passed, I saw a glowing mountain standing right in the middle of the ocean. Just then, my boat changed its path and started moving towards the glowing mountain in an inward spiral fashion. I could see the mountain from all the sides and angles due the unique path followed by my boat which had a mind of its own. After completing the spiral, it sat atop the mountain. Time had no meaning anymore. My self too began to lose its meaning. The ocean around me never had much relevance anyway. There was nothing that could stop things from losing their meaning. All the coverings were falling off. Only a point remained in existence. Only that Point Of Existence had meaning but nobody understood its meaning. I tried to understand but somebody told me that I would have to spend timeless existence there to understand the real meaning.
Elephant knew my limitations. My boat flew back to my room and I got off it. I discovered that I had a small hole on the left side of my chest, the size of the Point Of Existence.
I started looking for it in my room. Below the pillow, under the bed, on the table, behind the curtains. No nowhere was it to be seen. Just then I saw a boat sailing in the ocean on top of my mosquito net. There was a brown cat sitting on it looking at the vacuum around. I climbed on my bed and got into the boat and off it went out of my room into the middle of a vast ocean. The brown cat was not looking in my direction. I thought that it probably did not notice me getting into the boat. I mewed softly to catch its attention. In reply it just gave me a contemptuous look and continued staring at the dark blue ocean. I wondered why the elephant had placed such an angry cat in the boat with me. I could have been left alone than be with an insolent cat who thought of me as a little ant whom it could kill with one touch of the paw. The elephant and his motives could never be understood by me. Having being ignored by the cat, I started looking in the same direction to see if there was something interesting going on there. Dark blue sea was all that I could see. I strained my eyes hard; nothing but the same dark blue sea all around me. I kept looking at it for some time but then got terribly bored. I wondered how the cat could look at it for so long. I tried to look around the boat to see if there was something else that the elephant might have kept for my entertainment. Nothing!
After a while I tried speaking to the cat once more. I mewed again. This time a little more confidently. Who knows the arrogant cat might like the new confident me. It didn't look at me at all. I thought that was a positive sign as no look is better than a contemptuous look. I mewed even louder this time. The cat turned around slowly. My heart beats increased. Finally, the cat will come to me. Probably it will come sit on my lap and let me tickle it. Who knows it might even decide to play with me. So the cat finally looked at me and lifted its front leg. Ah! A handshake! What a well trained cat, I thought to myself. Just as I was about to reach out to it, it showed me its middle claw! I was so shocked that had I not caught hold of the mast on time, I could have fallen out of the boat. I didn't know how to react. I was so scared of the damn cat! I just sat there in the corner, giving the choicest of abuses to the haughty cat, obviously in my mind. I knew cats were not particularly friendly creatures but this one went out of its way to show its evilness. I was not geting bored anymore as I was busy thinking of innovative ways to throw the cat out of the boat.
I must have spent a good amount of time in this when I suddenly heard a baritone voice asking me to shut up. I almost jumped out of my little corner. I looked above if it was from the heavens. Nothing in the sky looked abnormal, no dazzling lights, nothing. I looked around when I saw the cat staring at me. Was it the cat? Cat who talked in a baritone voice! "Yes, it's me," the cat said. Words came to the tip of my tongue and then fell flat from there unable to take any shape. "Can you not stop this chatter! Your meaningless blabber is on ever since you climbed on to this boat. I have been trying hard to concentrate but just could not do that. Can you not appreciate the serene ocean? I knew about you from before therefore I had asked the elephant not to put you in my boat but he refused to listen to me. And here I am wasting a beautiful evening with a dimwit like you who cannot appreciate the ocean in the dark." I did not know how to respond to that. The cat could read my mind! I tried not to think anything but the human mind behaves in strange fashion. When it knows that its contents are accessible to someone, it starts thinking all prohibitted thoughts which it would never otherwise think. I was trying to control them. But when I would control one, another one would slip past the censor. Just then the cat shouted, " I cannot take this anymore! I have to leave this boat. To hell with you and the elephant!" I wondered where it would go in the middle of the ocean. Just then it started disappearing! Cheshire cat! The only difference was instead of the broad grin, I could only see frowning brows at the end. I gave a sigh of relief and thought good that the stuck up, idiotic, good-for-nothing cat has gone. "Mind your language, miss" said the cat from out of nowhere. Those were the last words I heard from the cat.
The boat kept moving deeper into the ocean. I stood there holding the mast thinking nothing. After indeterminate time had passed, I saw a glowing mountain standing right in the middle of the ocean. Just then, my boat changed its path and started moving towards the glowing mountain in an inward spiral fashion. I could see the mountain from all the sides and angles due the unique path followed by my boat which had a mind of its own. After completing the spiral, it sat atop the mountain. Time had no meaning anymore. My self too began to lose its meaning. The ocean around me never had much relevance anyway. There was nothing that could stop things from losing their meaning. All the coverings were falling off. Only a point remained in existence. Only that Point Of Existence had meaning but nobody understood its meaning. I tried to understand but somebody told me that I would have to spend timeless existence there to understand the real meaning.
Elephant knew my limitations. My boat flew back to my room and I got off it. I discovered that I had a small hole on the left side of my chest, the size of the Point Of Existence.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Show me your face again..
Show me your face again
For I am beginning to forget
Its contour and features
Was it the left or the right cheek
Which had a mark from forceps
Left by a careless doctor
Or was it never there?
Show me your face again
For me to tell truth from lies
Your wrongs from your rights
Are your words benign
Or do they mean something divine
Show me your face again
To answer the myriad questions
Lurking in the labyrinth of my mind
Is the smile that I hear fake
Or a manifestation of unspoken joy?
Show me you face again
For I need to tame the storm
Raging somewhere deep inside
The echoes of murmurs from you
Taking the shape of smoke and mirrors
The face of reticence and restraint
Is not the one I can ever claim
For I am beginning to forget
Its contour and features
Was it the left or the right cheek
Which had a mark from forceps
Left by a careless doctor
Or was it never there?
Show me your face again
For me to tell truth from lies
Your wrongs from your rights
Are your words benign
Or do they mean something divine
Show me your face again
To answer the myriad questions
Lurking in the labyrinth of my mind
Is the smile that I hear fake
Or a manifestation of unspoken joy?
Show me you face again
For I need to tame the storm
Raging somewhere deep inside
The echoes of murmurs from you
Taking the shape of smoke and mirrors
The face of reticence and restraint
Is not the one I can ever claim
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Frost
I caught you breathing frost down my neck
The warmth of your hands a mere deception
The source of their warmth lies elsewhere
Breathing frost down my neck making it stiff.
Like a horse with blinkers
I could look neither left nor right
While you played your games on either sides
But the sound of your games travels far and wide
The world knows so how wouldn't I?
You can thrust earbuds into my ears now
So the sounds of your frolic don't reach me
I don't have to see your games,
nor hear their sounds.
The truth lays bare
With just a touch of your hand.
The warmth of your hands a mere deception
The source of their warmth lies elsewhere
Breathing frost down my neck making it stiff.
Like a horse with blinkers
I could look neither left nor right
While you played your games on either sides
But the sound of your games travels far and wide
The world knows so how wouldn't I?
You can thrust earbuds into my ears now
So the sounds of your frolic don't reach me
I don't have to see your games,
nor hear their sounds.
The truth lays bare
With just a touch of your hand.
If you were me..
If you were me, would you not think of
the winters that shall never come again?
Would the moorings of your lifeboat
still be intact after the hurricane of illusions?
If you were me would you find reason in madness
Or would you look at yourself with disdain?
Would the rains be a reason for you
to shed tears in oblivion?
Or would it be the bathroom shower?
If you were me, would you be living
happily with a heavy heart?
Or would you rip it apart and
let the flesh rot in the scorching sun
If you were me, would the songs of
birds and winds remind you of me?
Or would it be the rhythm of the heart?
Would you not remember me with
a teardrop settled on your lips?
If you were me would you live with
the void in the middle of your being?
Would you let your heart live
Or would you bury it in graveyard?
If you were me, would you let
the black panther maul you cruelly?
Or would you fight back ferociously?
Would the advent of night never scare you?
If you were me, would you long
for the day of forgetfulness?
Or would you rather live
with the stinging swarm of memories?
If you were me, would you hang on to me?
Or would you let me go smiling wistfully?
Me being me, I shall see you from the heavens
Shedding a tear or two at my burning pyre
Writing me an epitaph from words and wisdom
There lived a woman you found but never loved
How intense the meeting shall be
of your words and the ashes from my burning pyre
In death we shall meet..
the winters that shall never come again?
Would the moorings of your lifeboat
still be intact after the hurricane of illusions?
If you were me would you find reason in madness
Or would you look at yourself with disdain?
Would the rains be a reason for you
to shed tears in oblivion?
Or would it be the bathroom shower?
If you were me, would you be living
happily with a heavy heart?
Or would you rip it apart and
let the flesh rot in the scorching sun
If you were me, would the songs of
birds and winds remind you of me?
Or would it be the rhythm of the heart?
Would you not remember me with
a teardrop settled on your lips?
If you were me would you live with
the void in the middle of your being?
Would you let your heart live
Or would you bury it in graveyard?
If you were me, would you let
the black panther maul you cruelly?
Or would you fight back ferociously?
Would the advent of night never scare you?
If you were me, would you long
for the day of forgetfulness?
Or would you rather live
with the stinging swarm of memories?
If you were me, would you hang on to me?
Or would you let me go smiling wistfully?
Me being me, I shall see you from the heavens
Shedding a tear or two at my burning pyre
Writing me an epitaph from words and wisdom
There lived a woman you found but never loved
How intense the meeting shall be
of your words and the ashes from my burning pyre
In death we shall meet..
Friday, March 09, 2012
Of losses and gains
The colour of my mood today - bluish grey
Strange forlornness has engulfed me. I wish I could shoo away the heavy fog set over me. On rare occasions loneliness manages to make me its prey. Devouring me thoroughly, it has left me feeling weak and restless. Yes, restlessness is a sign of weakness. Not being able to quiten the inner turmoil makes you feel powerless.
Once a coin lost by someone was found by me. Dazzled by its brightness, I decided to keep it with me. I look at it everyday and try to capture its shine in my eyes. Once it goes away, the shine in my eyes too would go away. I keep it tucked away in the left pocket of my shirt. The coin has slipped away from my hands several times yet it always rolls back towards me and I pick it up unscrupulously. Sometimes its brightness fades away, making it look a little sad. Does it miss its rightful owner, I ask myself. But I hesitate to part away from it not realizing that along with immense pleasure it is also the source of my despair.
Strange things have now started happening. The coin is getting heavier by the day, though its size remains the same. I don't think I would be able to carry it for long now.
I think I shall let it roll away.
Monday, March 05, 2012
The visitor
The five o' clock alarm went off when a lazy hand of mine hit the snooze button. The stubborn alarm screamed relentlessly five minutes later to assert its indisputable authority over my life. I gave in. An outstretched arm was followed by a clumsy leg out of the cosy comforter while the rest of me reluctantly obeyed them. Groggy eyed, I staggered to the bathroom where I was greeted by a visitor. Hanging upside down, he was steadily moving towards me. Having no ambitions of becoming another Peter Parker, I ducked my head to give him space to carry on with his voyage. However, that was not how the visitor had planned the visit. My little brown visitor felt ignored and came back towards me to give me a shaky handshake. He decided to take the route alongside the tiled wall. I kept looking at it approaching me. I think he was rather excited for the handshake as he was moving at an amazing pace. I let him come near me and when he was within my reach, I calmly took off my slippers and hit him. It was nice meeting you Mr. Spider!
Now my visitor is a brown patch on my wall.
Now my visitor is a brown patch on my wall.
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